


through the eye of the needle

by gaylovecan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x19 Fix-It, Castiel Has Self-Worth Issues (Supernatural), Dean Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Everyone lives, First Kiss, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Spoilers, for 15x19, my take on what should have happened at the end of 15x19
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:20:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27551419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaylovecan/pseuds/gaylovecan
Summary: “Cas, ever since you saved me from hell, my life was changed. You, you helped me learn that I deserve to be saved. More than that, you taught me how powerful love can be. How much I’m willing to sacrifice, for someone other than Sammy. You’re the first person I let into my life for a long time, and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. I love you.” Dean gulped as he finished, not able to meet Cas’ eyes.My take on how 15x19 should have ended.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 121





	through the eye of the needle

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be like 2000 words... I got carried away
> 
> Disclaimer: I've only watched up to season 12 and then 15x18 and 15x19 so if anything is off, just let me know!
> 
> Also, I made a conscious effort to make Eileen's deafness present. Eileen says and signs everything. Sam is almost fluent in sign language, so anything he says, he also signs. Dean knows some sign language but not a lot, so he only signs the words he knows. Jack and Cas are both pretty good at sign language because they are celestial beings and also have worked on it, so they sign whenever they talk in front of Eileen. If any aspect of Eileen's deafness / sign language doesn't make sense, please let me know.

“Of course I’m coming home with you. We still need to get Cas back!” 

Dean lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Even with all the excitement, losing Cas was a heavy weight on his heart. Especially after what he said...

“That’s great,” Sam interrupts Dean’s thought process. “How do we get him back?”

“I’m not sure,” Jack furrows his eyebrows for a moment before smiling wide. “But if Chuck could do it, so can I.”

“You’re sure, Jack?” Dean didn’t know if he could handle false hope right now. 

“Yes! I’m sure. I think we need to go back to where he was when the Empty took him.” 

With that, the three of them pile into the Impala for what would hopefully be their last mission. 

~~~~~~~~

Sam manages to get a hold of Eileen on the drive back. She was safe and happy and would be meeting them at the bunker as soon as she could. 

Dean watches as the tension drains from Sam’s body, slumping into his seat. 

Jack was passed out in the back. Apparently having god-like powers didn’t stop him from needing rest. But it had been a long day for all of them. 

Looking at Jack made Dean yawn, which Sam automatically caught. 

“Let me drive for a bit, man. You need to catch some sleep.”

“I’m fine, honestly Sam. I just want to get back to the bunker.” Despite feeling tired, there was no way in hell Dean would be able to sleep before they got Cas back. 

“Is this about Cas? Because Jack says he’ll be-“

“Can you just leave it, Sammy?” Dean snaps. He wasn’t sure where that came from. They won. But without Cas, Dean still felt empty and hollow. 

“I get it, he’s my friend, too.” 

“No, you don’t,” Dean says through gritted teeth. Sam lets out a sigh. 

“Dean, if this is you feeling guilty about whatever happened to him, it’s not your fault.” A humourless laugh escapes Dean, and he feels pressure creeping up his throat and behind his eyes. 

“It is,” He says in a whisper. “And that’s why I need to get him back, Sammy, I have to.” Dean trails off. 

Sam seemed to realize that pushing would only make things worse, so he backed off and dozed in the passenger seat. 

As the only one still awake, Dean let a few tears fall before pulling himself together. They needed to get Cas back and that couldn’t happen if he crashed the car because he couldn’t see. 

~~~~~~~~

When they got to the bunker, Eileen was already there, waiting in the War Room. Dean watched as Sam swept her into a kiss, before quickly looking away, feeling something sharp wedge itself between his ribs. 

“I thought you were dead,” Sam signs, not able to get the words out vocally. 

“I’m alive. I’m here.” She signs back, before pulling Sam back for another kiss. They pull apart just enough to rest their foreheads together, just breathing each other in. 

Dean doesn’t want to interrupt their moment, but Jack seems hyper and energized after his nap which means it’s probably a good time to try to get Cas back. 

Sam and Eileen pull apart when they hear Dean clear his throat. Eileen squeezes Sam’s hand before rushing towards Dean and Jack, wrapping them into a hug. For such a small lady, her grip was bone-crushing. 

“I’m so happy you’re alive,” She says, stepping back from them. 

“Yeah, you too. I was worried about what would happen to Sam without you.” Dean only mouths the second part but Eileen smiles and nods. 

“So, what happened?” 

“It’s a long story. All you need to know right now is that Chuck is powerless and Jack brought everyone back.”

“Good job, kid,” Eileen says, making Jack smile and blush. 

“Thanks, but now we need to get Cas back. Where was he when the Empty took him?”

Dead leads the way with Jack, Sam, and Eileen falling behind them. 

“I don’t want to pry,” Jack starts. “But I was with Cas when he made the deal.”

Dean feels his cheeks heat. It was too much to talk about right now. He still didn’t know if they would get Cas back. 

“Can we talk about this later?” Dean wills his voice to remain steady. 

“Of course... Sorry.” Despite himself, Dean feels a small smile creep onto his face. 

“It’s okay kid, you have nothing to be sorry about.”

When they enter the room where everything had gone down, Dean feels his knees buckle. Cas’ blood was still on the door, dried and flaky. The pressure in his throat was making a return, but he pushed through it, leading Jack to the wall the Empty had appeared from to take Cas. 

Jack laid his palm against the cement wall. 

“I can feel it. There’s... a tear between our world and the Empty. I just have to find the gap and I should be able to open it enough to let Cas back through.” Jack closed his eyes as he ran his hand across the cool stones, inspecting for the space he could pry open. 

“I know you’re basically God now, but doesn’t that seem a little too easy?” Dean was still skeptical, even though he was shaking with anticipation at seeing Cas again. 

“Come on, Dean. Maybe for once, things will be easy.” Sam was hanging back with Eileen, both of them watching the scene with hope in their eyes. 

“No, Dean is right. Just opening the door doesn’t mean that Cas will be here waiting to get out. The Empty is massive and he could be anywhere. And he could be sleeping this time.” Jack explains. 

“So he might not even know we’re trying to save him?” Dean could feel tendrils of dread swirling through his stomach and making their way up to his heart. 

“Yes. That’s why someone needs to go in and get him.”

Three pairs of eyes were trained on Jack, reeling at what he just said. 

“Jack, that’s suicide. We could get lost-“

“I’ll do it.” Dean interrupts Sam. 

“Dean-“

“I said I’m going in. I’m going to get Cas back. Right?” Dean looked at Jack for confirmation. 

“It could work. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to hold it open, the Empty won’t be happy to see me again. But if you’re quick...” Jack’s eyes widened and a thin trail of darkness began pouring out from a crack in the wall. 

Dean and Jack make eye contact, green meeting bright gold, and Jack nodded. Pulling even harder, Jack managed to open the hole wide enough that a person could slip through. 

Dean didn’t wait before jumping through, hearing Sam yell, “Dean, wait-“ before the silence consumed him. Turning around, Dean could see Sam and Jack and Eileen in the Bunker through the hole, but it was distorted. He felt like he was underwater. 

Remembering his mission, Dean began calling out Cas’ name. The sound echoed through the empty space. 

“Cas!” He yelled. 

“Cas!” The echo replied, mocking him. Dean swung his head around, scanning the area for Cas, but all he could see, for miles and miles, was nothing. 

Dean didn’t know how long he had been searching, time seemed to pass differently here, but when he turned around he could still see the glimmering doorway back into his world. It didn’t really matter though, because if he couldn’t find Cas, Dean didn’t know if he would be able to go back anyways. 

Becoming desperate, Dean frantically began praying as he ran, squinting against the darkness.

_Cas you sonofabitch! If you can hear me, say something! Please!_

A noise cut through the silence. It was quiet, maybe a gasp. Something you wouldn’t hear, except when it was the only sound, besides the blood pumping through Dean’s body. 

“Cas!” Dean yelled again, but there was no reply. It was hard to tell where the noise had come from, but Dean followed his gut, running in one direction until he saw something appear in all the nothing. 

A tan trench coat and a shock of dark hair came into focus as Dean raced towards the body crumpled on the ground. 

“Cas!” Dean dropped to his knees beside him, his heart soaring like a hot air balloon. “Cas, I’m here, let’s go!” But Cas did not stir. 

Panicking, Dean reached out for his pulse. Thumping away, slow but steady under his rib cage. Not knowing what to do, and with no time to waste, Dean gripped Cas and raised him up off the ground. 

Slinging an arm around his shoulder, Dean half carried, half dragged Cas towards the eye of the needle that was their door back. He was running faster than he could ever remember moving in his life, despite the added weight of the angel hanging off of him. 

Sam and Jack and Eileen came into view, all looking frantic yet relieved when they saw Cas. Dean could just barely make out the sound of their yelling as he pushed Cas through the gap, flinging himself out behind him. 

It was like surfacing from the water, narrowly surviving being drowned. The shock of noise and colour and feeling. 

Jack was heaving as he released his grip on the seam, allowing it to shut with a snap. 

Cas and Dean were piled on the ground, but just as Sam approached them to see if they were all right, Cas bolted upright.

“What-“ Not a second later, Dean jumped to his feet, pulling Cas up with him by his lapels before shoving him into the wall. 

“Dean? I-“ 

“Cas, you stupid, fucking bastard. Never do that again!” As soon as Dean finished, he lunged at Cas, attacking him with a bruising kiss. 

Distantly, Dean heard Sam usher Jack and Eileen out of the room, but he was far more focused on kissing the life out of his angel. Harsh, demanding kisses that slowly turned soft and tender, until Dean felt wetness sliding down his cheeks. Damn it, he was crying. 

Pulling back for a breath, Dean looked at Cas, staring into blue eyes that were wide with shock, before punching him in the shoulder. 

“Ow. That hurt, Dean.” Though Cas didn’t sound too put out. All of a sudden, the situation caught up with him, and Dean let out a watery laugh. 

Cas quirked his eyebrow as the laugh brought on another bout of tears from Dean. 

“Dean, I don’t know what’s going on… Am I dreaming?” The low grit of Cas’ voice sent a shudder through Dean as he scrubbed his hands against his face, trying to stop the flow of tears still filling his eyes. 

“No, Cas, this is real.” His voice was wrecked and shaky but full of so much joy. Cas still looked unsure, but Dean reeled him in for another kiss, this one sweet and full of everything Dean didn’t yet know how to put into words. “We’re real.”

“But how? Dean, I-“ 

“Jack. He- He’s God now? I think? It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re back.”

“But… why?” Cas looked genuinely confused, head tilt and all, as if he truly couldn’t understand what was happening. 

“Jesus, Cas. I couldn’t let you have the last word on that.” He laughed again. “You didn’t even let me reply.” This confession caused fresh tears to fall. “You left and…”

“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” Though Cas still seemed out of it, he seemed to be coming to terms with the fact that this was real, that he somehow managed to cheat death once again. 

“It better not.” Dean punched him in the shoulder again for good measure before reaching up to grip the collar of the trench coat. Cas raised his hands too, cupping Dean’s face and running his thumbs gently over sharp cheekbones. 

Closing his eyes, Dean pressed their foreheads together. 

“I was so scared, Cas,” He whispered. “Every time I’m so, so scared. You’d think I’d be used to it by now, but-“ 

“Shh, I know. But I’m here now,” Cas sighed, his breath ghosting across Dean’s face. 

“You didn’t even let me finish,” Dean huffed out a laugh as he pulled back to look at Cas. “I love you, too. I know I’m not as poetic as you were-“

Cas closed the gap between him, kissing away whatever semblance of thought he had left. 

“I can’t believe I thought just telling you was true happiness,” Cas murmured once he pulled away. “This is better than I ever could have imagined.”

Dean remembered the conviction Cas had that Dean couldn’t love him back and felt the need to really drive this point home. 

“Cas, ever since you saved me from hell, my life was changed. You, you helped me learn that I deserve to be saved. More than that, you taught me how powerful love can be. How much I’m willing to sacrifice, for someone other than Sammy. You’re the first person I let into my life for a long time, and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. I love you.” Dean gulped as he finished, not able to meet Cas’ eyes. 

Cas tipped Dean’s chin up, looking at him with watery eyes and a half-smile. “I know.” 

Dean looked at Cas with a stunned expression before shaking his head and laughing. “I can’t believe you just Han Solo-ed me.” Cas’ lips quirked up into a true smile, one of the rare ones that filled his entire face, making his eyes all squinty. 

“I love you, Dean.” Dean reached his arms around Cas and wrapped him in a tight hug, tucking his face in the space between his neck and shoulder. They stood like that for what felt like hours, Dean breathing in the smell of Cas’ skin while Cas ran his fingers through the short hairs at the nape of Dean’s neck. 

When they finally broke apart, Dean sighed and said, “You should probably go see the others.” 

“Oh, are they here?!”

“Yeah, they saw you come out but I think they ran out of here when we, you know,” Dean scratched the back of his neck. 

“And they’re all okay?”

“Yeah, everyone’s good. Jack saved the entire world.” They both looked proud. 

“Okay, let’s go.” Cas started towards the door before Dean grabbed his arm. 

“Wait a minute,” Dean laughed. “You look…” Cas’ hair was even messier than when Dean first met him, ruffled up like someone had been running their hands through it. His lips were red and slick, his eyes bloodshot, tear tracks running down his face. Huh, Dean didn’t even know when Cas had started crying. “I imagine I look worse.”

They both adjusted their clothes that had gotten wrinkled while they were pressed together. Cas reached over and wiped away the tears that were threatening to spill from Dean’s eyes again, before tipping his head back to stop his own. Cas, in the process of fixing his own hair, only made it worse, fluffier and standing up in odd places. 

“Here, let me,” Dean said, crowding into Cas’ space again. He carefully adjusted the strands of dark hair into something resembling order. Standing this close together, Cas tipped his head up for a short kiss, just a press of lips together. 

“I think this is as good as it’s going to get,” Dean sighed. “I mean, it’s not like they won’t know what we’ve been doing anyway.” Cas watched as Dean slanted his eyes to the side, looking nervous. 

“Are you worried about what the others will say?”

“Not really. This is just all so… I never thought I would have this,” Dean said in a small voice. “I never even let myself think that… But I’m ready.”

Cas reached out and squeezed Dean’s hand before they went to go find the rest of their family.

~~~~~~~~

Sam, Jack, and Eileen had congregated in the War Room after fleeing the scene. Sam felt like their moment deserved some privacy. 

Sam was surprised, sure, but maybe not as surprised as he could be. He wasn’t blind or oblivious.

The three of them talked for a while, filling Eileen in on what had happened. Jack seemed suddenly much better at sign language, maybe a side effect of being… a god?

There was too much going on to really think about that part. What mattered was Eileen was alive, they survived, and they got Cas back. 

Sam had taken a few minutes to call their friends. Charlie, Donna, Jody, everyone was all safe and sound. It seemed that Jack brought back everyone who Chuck had snapped away, regardless of whether or not they died in the past. Hell, if he and Dean got to live, everyone else deserved to. 

The three of them looked up when they heard noises approaching. Cas and Dean emerged from the hallway. 

Cas looked happier than Sam had ever seen him. He rushed forward, wrapping Jack in his arms. Jack smiled and returned the hug, just as tight. 

Sam made eye contact with Dean, raising a questioning eyebrow. Miraculously, Dean didn’t scowl or roll his eyes. Instead, a smile grew on his face and he shrugged. 

When Cas and Jack pulled apart, Jack whispered loudly. “So you and Dean-“ Cas just laughed. 

“Shh, we’ll talk about it later.” Jack sighed but grinned. They really looked like father and son at that moment, sharing twin smiles with crinkly eyes. 

Cas then went in for a hug with Sam. Jack looked at Dean, curiously. He had never seen the expression on the man’s face before and couldn’t figure out what it meant. 

Cas and Sam’s hug ended with a slap on the back and a, “It’s good to have you back, buddy.”

Cas looked unsure when he approached Eileen, the two still didn’t know each other that well, but Eileen opened her arms wide. 

“Come here!” Their hug was short but sweet, and Eileen smiled when it was over. “It’s good to have you back.”

After a moment with all of them staring at each other, Sam broke the silence. 

“So-“ He couldn’t even finish the word before Dean cut him off. 

“Shut up, Sammy.” But he looked to find, so happy, that words were meaningless. 

Laughing, Sam raised his hands in surrender. “We are going to talk about this eventually, though, right?” Dean ignored him, but there was a spark in his eyes. Honestly, Sam really didn’t have many questions that he didn’t already have the answers to. 

~~~~~~~~

Sam, Dean, and Eileen made a quick burger run, giving Cas and Jack some time to talk. 

Sam and Eileen both sat in the backseat, allowing Sam to relay whatever Dean was saying in sign language to Eileen. 

“So…” Sam started again. 

“Fine, nosy. What do you wanna ask me.”

“Are you happy?” That wasn’t the question Dean was expecting. 

“I- Yeah, Sammy. I am.” Wow, he was turning into one sappy sonofabitch. 

“So, has this been going on for a while and I just missed it, or…”

“No. I mean, yes but not… officially? I’ve loved him for a long time, man.” Dean shook his head like he couldn’t even believe what he was saying. “I never thought… but he told me. Right before the Empty took him, he told me he loved me. That’s why the Empty took him. It was waiting for him to experience true happiness.” 

“Wow.” Sam sighed. It was a lot to take in. 

“Finally!” Eileen spoke up. Both boys looked at her, surprised. 

“What? I have eyes.” She laughed. “I’m good at picking up on things like that. You give each other heart eyes every time you’re in the same room.”

“Wow, I guess we weren’t as subtle as we thought.” They finally pulled up to the burger joint, allowing the tension of the car ride to ease. 

It felt so normal, after all that had happened. They waited in line, looking at all the people going about their lives. Eating, chatting, laughing. 

The three of them just stood there, not talking, taking in the fact that the world went on. 

The ride back was considerably more relaxed. Sam and Eileen were signing together in the back seat. 

“So, since you got to interrogate on the way here, I get to grill you now.”

“Okay, shoot.” Sam sounded far too confident, and that was when Dean realized he had no clue what to ask. 

“Um,” Dean thought for a minute. “What are your plans?”

Sam looked at Eileen and she shrugged. 

“We haven’t really thought that far yet,” Eileen said. 

“But you are gonna stick around? Right?”

“Of course,” Eileen said. “Someone needs to watch out for you.”

“Do you think you’ll keep hunting?” Dean asked, suddenly curious about what the future was going to hold for all of them. 

“I don’t know. It depends if the world still needs hunters. Maybe we’ll get to retire.” Eileen mused. 

Wasn’t that a thought? Dean always thought he would die before he got old. Except, he was getting kinda old now. His back hurt and his knees ached and it was kind of awesome. He never thought he’d make it this far. 

They spent the rest of the ride joking around, lightheartedly. When they arrived back at the bunker, Dean felt his stomach swoop. He knew it was important to let Cas and Jack catch up, but he couldn’t wait to see him again. He was a little worried that he would open the door, and they’d both be gone. This felt like a dream, and Dean was worried he was going to wake up. 

~~~~~~~~

After the trio left, Jack brought Cas to speed on everything that happened, from all of their friends disappearing, to the entire population disappearing, to Lucifer, to Michael, to Chuck, and back to when they rescued him. 

“Wait, you didn’t kill Chuck?” 

“We didn’t have to. He’s powerless. He’s not writing the story anymore and I’m not either. We burned the script.”

“So… we’re free?”

“Yup!” Jack said. “It’s not up to anyone to dictate our lives anymore.” Cas paused for a moment to take this in. 

“Wow… Jack that’s… Just wow.”

“Okay, now that you’re caught up can I ask about De-“ Before he could finish his sentence, the bunker door swung open. 

“We’ve got grub!” Dean called out, Sam and Eileen following behind him. 

“We can finish talking later,” Cas said warmly, ruffling Jack’s hair before going to help Dean with the food. 

Their hands brushed as Cas took a bag, sending a shock straight to Dean’s heart. They shared a brief look before bringing the food to the table. 

“Jack, I didn’t know if you still eat now, but I got you some food anyways.” Dean said, carefully. He still felt off-kilter with what happened to Jack. He just wanted Jack to be okay. 

“I think I would still like to eat? So I guess I can.” Everyone looked at him expectantly, until he tore into his bag and began munching on fries. 

“So, Jack… What do you want us to call you now?” Sam asked. 

“Jack is fine. Jack Kline-Winchester?” He added the second part with a hopeful smile. 

“Of course, buddy. Jack Kline-Winchester, it is.” Dean announced. 

“I would say welcome to the family,” Sam began. “But you’ve always been a part of our family.” 

“I’ll drink to that,” Dean said, before getting up. “Cas, can you help me grab some beers.” 

“Of course.” And the two of them left the War Room, leaving Sam and Eileen to share a smile, while Jack looked on confused. 

“What? Nobody will tell me what’s going on with them.” He sounded like the petulant toddler that he kind of was. Sam constantly forgot how young he was. 

“I think that’s something they have to tell you themselves,” Sam said, gently. Jack huffed but left it at that. 

~~~~~~~~

Dean wanted to be alone with Cas for a minute. It was hard to process what was happening with everything going on, and he wanted to take a minute to breathe and bask in the moment. 

Cas seemed to have the same plan because as soon as they got there, Cas pushed up against Dean until he had to brace himself against the counter. Leaning into each other, they met with a kiss, Cas fisting his hands into Dean’s shirt while Dean gripped the smooth metal, trying to not fall. That was easier said than done, as his legs turned to jello and his arms began to shake. 

Just when Dean thought he was going to melt into a puddle of goo on the floor, Cas pulled back, still gripping Dean’s shirt. Dean was panting, trying to catch his breath. 

“You,” Cas gave him quick kisses between words. “Are,” Kiss. “Beautiful.” Kiss. 

Dean lowered his eyes and blushed, then looked up at Cas through his eyelashes. He didn’t know what to say. 

“I mean it, Dean. You are the most gorgeous thing I have ever laid my eyes on.”

“Right back at you,” Dean replied, lamely. “Sorry, I’m still trying to figure out the ‘talking about your feelings’ thing.” Cas kissed him on the forehead. 

“That’s okay. We have time. But we should head back before the others start to think-“

“Oh, yeah, right.” Dean grabbed three beers from the fridge, while Cas took the remaining one and a pop for Jack. Even if he was a god now, he was still little and Cas didn’t want him getting thinking he was all grown now. He still wanted to protect him. 

The men returned to the War Room to see Sam and Eileen had started their food as well. Dean slid two beers across the table to them before cracking open his own. Jack pouted when Cas handed him the pop, but opened it and quickly guzzled it down. 

“Cheers!” Dean said, clinking his bottle against Cas’. They both reached for their bags of food and dug in. Dean glanced at Cas, curious as a question formed in his mind. 

“Are you… an angel? I mean, does the food taste like food or molecules?”

“Hmm,” Cas took another bite of his hamburger, considering the taste. “It tastes like food.”

“So, you’re human.” Sam inquired. 

“I’m not really sure. Jack?”

“You’re whatever you want to be now. It’s up for you to decide. Whatever you want, that’s what you’ll be.” Jack said sagely. Everyone looked at Cas expectantly. 

“Well, I don’t know what I want. I’ve never really had a choice before.” Cas’ face brightened as he realized what this meant. “I get to make my own choice about this? No interference from Chuck? No impending disaster?”

“Nope!” Jack popped the p. “It’s up to you.”

“I guess I’m going to have to think about it.” Then he continued eating his burger. 

With all of the big questions out of the way, for now, the group began chatting about nothing in particular. Just laughing and enjoying being together without the threat of death looming over their heads. 

Once they had finished their dinner and beers, Sam exchanged a look with Eileen before standing up. 

“Okay,” Sam announced. “It’s been a long day so I’m gonna head to bed.” 

“Me too,” Eileen said, quickly. 

“But it’s only 8 o’clock,” Jack said, confused. 

“Well, Jack, when a man loves a woman-“ Dean started. 

“Dean, shut up! Jack, it’s been a long day and I just want to get some rest. You should probably get some sleep, too.” Sam said, giving Dean and Cas a pointed look. 

“Yes,” Cas cut in. “You’ve had a big day and you need to go to bed.”

“But Cas!” Jack whined. 

“Just because you’re a god now doesn’t stop you from being a kid. You still have a bedtime.” Cas replied sternly.

Jack grumbled as he got up, and Cas shot a smirk in Dean’s direction. 

“Okay, well I guess that settles it. Goodnight!” Sam and Eileen began walking away. 

“Goodnight!” Eileen said, giggling as she grabbed Sam’s hand. 

“Be safe.” Dean teased and was met with Sam flipping him off over his shoulder. 

“Adults are weird.” Jack sighed as he made to leave. 

“Wait a minute,” Cas said. “C’mere.” He wrapped Jack in his arms. “Thank you.” He said sincerely. 

“Of course, Cas. I would never leave you there. I love you.”

“I love you too, Jack,” Cas had a fond smile on his face. “Now get to bed before I have to drag you there.”

“Ugh, fine.”

“G’night, kiddo,” Dean said, ruffling Jack’s hair as he walked by. 

“Night, Dean.” Jack waved, then he trailed down the hallway until he was out of sight. 

As soon as Jack was gone, Dean turned to Cas and laughed. 

“I guess our next mission is raising a baby god?” 

“I don’t know what we’re going to do. I know he’s powerful, but I promised Kelly I would take care of him and I’m not going to stop now.” 

“It’s okay, we’ll figure it out. I mean, we’ve made it through the end of the world how many times? I’m sure we can manage raising a kid.” Dean realized that this was the first time he could say that honestly. 

His whole life, he was terrified of himself, of becoming like his dad. He never believed he could be a good father, convinced that he was too full of rage to nurture anyone. And yeah, he had made lots of mistakes in his past, but if Cas could believe that he was a good person, he was going to try his hardest to make that true.

~~~~~~~~

The War Room was now empty except for a possibly retired hunter and a possible human angel. Dean was thinking about all that had happened, still wondering if this was his life.

“Jack told me you didn’t kill Chuck,” Cas said suddenly. “Why?”

“Um, honestly?” Dean cracked his knuckles, a nervous habit. “Because of you?”

“What?”

“Chuck was, he was egging us on, trying to get a rise out of us, and he called me the ultimate killer,” Dean let out a humourless laugh. “In the past, I would have believed him. But I remembered what you told me. That I’m not what our enemies think. And I just couldn’t do it. I wanted to be the man that you see me as.”

“Dean, you’re already that man, even if you can’t see it. You didn’t make that choice because of me, you made it because of you. You’re a good person, Dean.”

“I don’t know if I can believe that yet.” Dean’s voice was small.

“You can’t believe me?” Cas asked, with a head tilt.

“I believe that you think I’m a good person and I’m going to do everything to keep it that way.” Cas sighed.

“That’s good enough for now, I guess. But I hope one day you will see yourself the way I see you.”

“I’ll try, Cas, I promise. I’m trying.” There was still something Dean needed to say, though. “I’m sorry!” He blurted out suddenly, knowing if he didn’t do this now, it could be ages before he worked up the courage.

“What are you sorry for?”

“That I made you feel unwanted. That I was so wrapped up in my own shit that I never even entertained the idea that you might love me back. That I pushed you away. That I ever made you feel like you couldn’t have your true happiness.”

“Yes, well, it wasn’t your fault. Not really. I could have made my intentions clear from the beginning, but I didn’t know what you would say. Not because you made me feel unwanted but because that was the first time I ever wanted. I had no precedent for falling in love.” Dean’s heart flutters at the word. He doesn’t think the novelty will ever wear off. “So maybe we both made some mistakes along the way. But still, it got us here.” Cas looked at Dean with that fond smile, the one the Dean is realizing makes it impossible to resist the urge to kiss him.

They both lean in, bumping their noses together as they misjudge the angle, but quickly fit their mouths together. Dean licks at the seam of Cas’ lips, feeling as they open for him. Dean has done a lot of kissing in his life, but each kiss with Cas blew all the other ones out of the water. Maybe it was something about kissing your best friend, with whom you share a profound bond, who you have been in love with for years. Dean sighed as they pulled apart.

“I think both of us were stupid because if we didn’t have our heads shoved up our asses, we could have been doing this for years.” Dean leans back into the kiss.

~~~~~~~~

After cleaning the remnants of their dinner from the table, the two men made their way to Dean’s room. The rest of the bunker was quiet, only the sounds of their footsteps echoing off the floor. Dean had Cas’ hand firmly grasped in his own. 

“Come on,” Dean said, pulling Cas into his room. “I have something I want to show you.” Dean kicked the door shut behind him before gesturing for Cas to sit on the bed. “Gimme a minute, I need to find it first.”

Dean began rummaging through his drawers while Cas watched him. Finally, Dean pulled out something small from the bottommost drawer. 

“I made this years ago.” Dean held up a cassette tape, with a label that read Songs For When You Tell Him in neat printing.

“Dean…” He trailed off, at a loss for words.

“Scoot over.” Dean sat on the bed next to Cas, reaching into his nightstand to pull out an old cassette player. 

Can’t Find My Way Home by Blind Faith played out through the speaker. Side by side, shoulder to shoulder, Dean and Cas listened to the songs. At some point, Dean rested his head against Cas’ shoulder, closing his eyes and letting the comfort of the moment wash over him. Cas rested his head against Dean’s, reaching out for his hand to twine their fingers together. After 10 songs, the final notes of Ready for Love by Bad Company fizzle out. The two of them sit there for a moment until Dean pushes Cas gently, maneuvering him to lean against the headboard. 

Crawling into his lap, Dean braces himself against Cas’ shoulders while Cas fits his hands on the curve of Dean’s waist. Melting together, the men share their breath, brushing lips softly together. Though these tender kisses were wonderful, Dean wanted more. He nipped on Cas’ lower lip, causing hands to tighten around his waist. 

Flipping them around, Cas ends up on top of Dean, hovering over him. Dean’s hands are held tight over his head as Cas takes control. Dean, faced with an onslaught of harsh, bruising kisses, more teeth than tongue, lets out a low moan.

The air in the room becomes thick as Dean feels himself become lost to pleasure. His head is swimming and his eyes, when he opens them, are glassy and unseeing.

“Dean?” The voice floats through his trance. “Dean…” Slowly, Dean feels him come back to himself, aware of Cas looking down at him.

“Mm, yes?” He still felt floaty. In 41 years of his life, Dean had never been kissed breathless before.

“Just making sure you’re still with me.”

“Yeah, 'm here.” He makes grabby hands at Cas’ coat, trying to pull him in again. He manages to get one, two, three kisses before Cas leans back.

“Dean, it’s late,” Cas whispers into the quiet night. Dean tries to make a noise of protest, but all that comes out is a yawn. 

“Mm, fine.” Dean leans back into his pillows. Suddenly, the weight on the bed shifts and Dean opens his eyes in panic as he watches Cas stand.

“Wait!” He says in alarm, bolting upright. Cas looks back at him. “Stay?” Cas leans in again to press a kiss against his forehead.

“Always.” Cas takes off his coat and returns to the bed. “I just thought I should get comfortable if I’m going to stay the night.” They both discard unnecessary layers until both men have stripped down to their boxers. Dean gets up to grab two of his old t-shirts, ones that he has reserved for sleep.

Dean tosses one to Cas, where he is laying in bed, before crawling in next to him. They put the shirts on, fabric soft from so many cycles through the wash.   
Pulling the covers over them, Dean presses a kiss against Cas’ neck, right on his pulse point.

“Cas?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you even sleep?” Cas had told him he would watch over him while he slept before, but it would be nice to be able to sleep together.

“I’m not sure. I guess we’ll find out.” He turns to give Dean one more kiss before sinking down into the pillows. With Cas laying on his back, Dean turns to his side, laying his head against his heart. Listening to the steady thump, Dean slings an arm across Cas’ chest and feels Cas bring up a hand to run his fingers through his hair. Feeling more safe and content than he has ever felt in his life, Dean drifts off into a peaceful sleep.

~~~~~~~~

Dean wakes up pressed against a warm body, nestled in an embrace. The events of the previous day flash through his mind and he thanks Jack that this wasn’t all a dream. Cas is passed out, breathing deeply.

Carefully, so as not to wake Cas, Dean extracts himself from the arms encircling him. It is only 7 am, but he needed to do something special to celebrate their win.

Still in his boxers and sleepshirt, Dean made his way to the kitchen so he could start whipping up their breakfast of champions. When he got there, he was surprised to see Eileen, dressed and already brewing a pot of coffee. 

When she saw Dean, she gave him a warm smile. 

“Good morning!” She said, cheerfully.

“Morning,” Dean said, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “What are you doing up so early?”

“Well, when you die and come back, sleeping feels like a waste.”

“Don’t I know it!” Dean began rummaging through the kitchen, looking for supplies to get started on the pancakes. “Did you manage to get any sleep?”

“Yeah, Sam tired me out.” She said with a smirk.

“Ew, gross!” Eileen laughs and Dean can’t help joining in. “Besides, that… How is Sam doing? The look on his face when you didn’t pick up the phone…” He trails off, remembering his brother’s face, full of sorrow.

“He seems good. He cried but they seemed like happy tears. I’m just glad to be back here.”

“Aw, Sammy, the softy. So, if you’re staying, is there anything we should get for you? Make you feel more at home?”

“I’m a big girl, Dean. I think I’ve got it covered.” She said, but there was no heat behind his words.

“I know. I just worry. Sam’s track record with previous girls has been… bleak.”

“Yeah, he told me about that. He thinks his dick is cursed or something,” Dean let out a choked laugh at that. He really did like this girl. “But I’m a hunter and I can take care of myself. It’s just nice to be able to take care of yourself knowing that someone else is there for you, too.” 

Dean let her words sink in, feeling the truth of what she was saying. Love didn’t make you weak or reliant, it just gave you someone else in your corner.

“You’re a wise lady, you know that?”

“So, I’ve been told.” The serious conversation ended and Dean began getting into his cooking, trying to balance the pancakes with the bacon with eggs with the sausage with the toast, all while Eileen was offering moral support through cups of coffee.

Since they were already hanging out together, Dean asked if Eileen could teach him some more sign language. He had already picked up a bit, namely swear words, but with Eileen hopefully becoming a more permanent fixture of the bunker, he knew he had to make more of an effort. So, for each thing the Dean picked up (spatula, egg, butter, knife), Eileen showed him how to sign it. 

While Eileen was teaching Dean how to sign, “Pass the beer” when Sam stumbled in still yawning. 

“Ah, look what the cat dragged in,” Dean said, attempting to sign along, as well.

“Mmm, I smelt breakfast.” Sam sidled up to where Eileen was leaning against the counter, pressing a kiss into the top of her head. Wrapping an arm around her, Sam turned his attention to Dean. “So, what’s all this about?”

“We won! This,” Dean gestured to the mountain of food. “Is a celebration!”

“A celebration?” Jack walked into the kitchen, a blanket draped around his shoulders like a cape. “What are we celebrating.” He finished with a yawn.

“It’s done! It’s over! At least for now, we can have a break without the end of the world coming and ruining our day. Really, it’s a celebration for you, Jack.”

“Really?! That’s amazing! I call dibs on the best pancakes.”

“Only if you help bring this food out to the table,” Dean says, handing Jack platters containing the bacon and sausages. “You too,” Dean points at Sam and Eileen, who have been canoodling. “Everyone has to pitch in.” Just as he finished saying this, Cas walked in. Still in boxers and Dean’s old t-shirt, he looked half-asleep. 

“What are we doing?” In the morning, his voice was even deeper than usual.

“Jack, Sam, and Eileen are bringing this food to the table, and you’re going to help me with the rest.” Cas nods, eyes still bleary. After eons of not having to sleep, waking up in the morning really put him out of it.

Jack, Sam, and Eileen hurry out of the kitchen, arms laden with breakfast. Once they’re gone, Cas slowly pushes Dean against the fridge, mouthing sloppily at his neck. The wet sensation makes Dean squirm away.

“Ew, Cas,” He says with a laugh. “What’re you doing?”

“Mm, come back. You taste good.” Cas tries to attach himself to Dean’s neck again, but he catches him by the shoulders.

“You know what would taste even better?” Cas huffs, not able to imagine anything that could possibly be- “Coffee.” Dean pushes the coffee canister into Cas’ hands.

“Well, you’re a close second,” Cas says, leaning in for a quick kiss before he is ushered out of the room. 

Alone, Dean surveys the kitchen, still messy from prep work but something he can deal with later. Grabbing the last trays of pancakes and toast, Dean goes to join the rest of his family for breakfast.

The table is arranged beautifully, courtesy of Jack who wanted everything to be perfect. When Dean arrives with the final platters, everyone is already sitting, filling up their plates with eggs and bacon and sausage. As soon as Dean sets down the pancakes, Jack is on them like a piranha.

“Wow, easy there, kid. There’s enough pancakes to go around.”

“Yeah, but I want the best ones.” He rolls his eyes like it’s obvious and holy fuck is this what raising a kid is going to be like? Dean just rolls his eyes back at Jack.

“I made them, so they’re all good,” He concludes, dropping into the seat next to Cas. Looking marginally more awake than when Dean last saw him, probably due to the empty mug in front of him, Cas smiles at Dean. Filling himself a cup of coffee, Dean prepares to enjoy his celebratory breakfast. Just as he takes a sip, Jack pipes up again.

“Did you and Cas have sex?” Dean chokes on his coffee, coughing for several moments before he can get his breathing under control. The rest of the table looks just as caught-off-guard, eyes wide and mouths hanging open.

“What?” Dean splutters.

“I said-”

“No, I heard what you said.” Jack tilted his head, in a way very reminiscent of Cas.

“I think what Dean is trying to say,” Sam butts in. “Is why did you feel the need to ask that.” Jack huffs and rolls his eyes again like it’s everyone else who is being ridiculous. 

“I keep asking what’s going on with you two and no one answers me. Usually that means you’re talking about something you think I’m too young to hear. But I’m not a baby. I know about sex! Cas gave me the talk.” Three pairs of eyes train their attention on Cas, who looks too tired to even attempt to take place in the conversation that is happening around him. However, with three sets of desperate eyes pinned on him, Cas decides to take mercy.

“No, Jack. Dean and I did not have sex, yet.” Cas deadpans.

“Cas!” Dean exclaims as Sam and Eileen start to let out incredulous giggles. Jack, however, didn’t seem to care about the “yet”, already moving onto his next question.

“Then what’s happening that nobody wants to tell me about?” 

“Cas and I are in love, we have been in love with each other for a very long time but since we’re both so stupid, neither of us knew until Cas admitted his feelings so he could feel true happiness and save me from Billie by letting the empty take him. Now he’s back, I told him how I feel and now we’re together.” Dean rambles, saying more than he thought he would when he started that sentence.

“Oh,” Jack says. “I thought you already knew that?” Head tilt. “I always call you my dad’s boyfriend.”

“To who?” Dean asks, not offended, just wondering who Jack is talking to that they don’t already know.

“Doesn’t matter,” Cas interjects. “What matters is we’re happy. Sam and Eileen are happy. And you’re happy too, right?”

“Of course! I’m here with my family: my dad, my dad’s boyfriend, my dad’s boyfriend’s brother, and my dad’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend.” He counted off on his fingers as he said each one, smiling when he finished.

“Wow.” Dean sighs, watching Jack dig into his pancakes like nothing’s wrong. And, really, nothing is wrong. They’re all here, happy and healthy and safe, even if Dean is embarrassed and Sam and Eileen are in shock and Cas is tired but smiling. They have nothing to worry about.

~~~~~~

The rest of breakfast passed smoothly, the absurdity of that conversation leading Sam and Dean to share some of the craziest things they experienced on the job. 

Dean just finished telling them about when Gabriel put them into television shows when Sam lets out a cackle and doubles over.

“What?” Dean asks.

“Remember those, what did they call themselves? Ghostfacers? They were right!” Sam let out another surprised laugh, looking up at the ceiling. 

“Right about what?” Dean asks, confused. 

“The power of gay love really can pierce through the veil of death and save the day.”

**Author's Note:**

> I might write a sequel to this, depending on if I feel the need to fix the season finale. 
> 
> Let me know what you think! I appreciate any comments, especially criticism!
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at [gaylovecan](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/gaylovecan)


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